14 Reasons that Make an English Major Worthy to be Loved by You

DISCLAIMER: This blog was written upon request. Though some are sort of cheesy and mushy and green, one can do no better than to reflect. I wrote this on the second quarter of the year, so this may contain contents I did not perfectly comprehend back then. But then again, this one is empirical—anybody can challenge.

1. When you say “I’m feeling cold.”, he won’t give you a jacket… he’ll give you a warm hug. He mastered Discourse Analysis, dude! He knows what your every single word means.

2. He got a very flexible tongue because of Linguistics 101. Cool, right?

3. He knows what Freud added to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. And, he loves Freud because of that. He calls that “reality of life”.

4. He knows when to capitalize and when not to: you can get no “bankcrupt” out of him.

5. He can make your period a sentence and your sentence a period. He is a very accurate interpreter.

6. He studied CBI and ESP, so whatever your FOS is, he will be able to adjust himself for you.
Note: FOS means Field of Specialization. Not the “F” that you think, and the “S” that you assume.

7. He pronounces words correctly, so you both will not have an ugly, crazy conversation such as this:

Girl: What do you want?
Boy: I want a fuck (instead of fact).
Girl: What? Again, what do you want?
Boy: I said, I want a fuck (fact, instead).
Girl: WHAT?
Boy: Give me a shit (sheet, dude), I’ll write it for you, idiot.

-Then the girl gave a shit.-
-Then they broke up-
-The boy cried-
-huhuhu-

8. He is not an exhibitionist, but he ejaculates his mind well in public. He calls that “brainstorming”.

9. He doesn’t want long talks, guys. He did not even attempt to finish reading Mahabharata!

10. He does not just correct your grammar. He corrects you as a person, too.

11. He knows the answer to my question: What two balls always go together?
*Correct! Venn Diagram, folks. Don’t think of other balls—that is gross.

12. He perfects metaphors. He can compare you to a rat, a cockroach, a worm, a wildebeest but he never will. Why? Because he loves you.

13. He does not believe in “multitasking”. So, he knows he can never love you and another at the same time. He is LOYAL.

Lastly…

14. He, as an English major, can only give you a bleeding nose, NOT a bleeding heart.